


Hidden Feelings

by Shiitake_Ken



Category: Mahou Shoujo Lyrical Nanoha | Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha
Genre: F/F, Romance, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-09
Updated: 2019-06-09
Packaged: 2020-04-23 09:59:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19148761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shiitake_Ken/pseuds/Shiitake_Ken
Summary: The fear of ruining everything is too strong. That's why I will keep this feeling all to myself. Set after A's and before strikers





	Hidden Feelings

**Author's Note:**

> (Was uploaded in fanfiction.net before but I put some minor changes at the end)

_I…want to see her…_

Laying in my bed with snow pouring outside, I realized that it’s been four years since me and that brunette with beautiful amethyst eyes first met. Looking back, most of my precious memories include her…and just recalling those moments already makes my heart flutter.

_I will never forget those pair of hands who grabbed mine out of that cave…_

Because of her, I met a lot of different people who make my everyday life so much fun. There’s Lindy, who adopted me as her daughter, Chrono, Amy, Alisa, Suzuka, Hayate and many more who are all good to me. I never imagined I could enjoy my life as it is right now…after all the incident with my mother, I thought I don’t deserve these kinds of things.

_“Wait a minute…all I want to do is talk to you for a bit, Fate. I have an idea though. I’m not some spoiled kid, so if you wanna fight, let’s fight. But if I win…will you talk to me?”_

_That idiot._

With a stupid smirk on my face, I stared at the ceiling thinking how those words hit me like lightning. I’ve never heard such an idiotic statement back then. I couldn’t comprehend them…but for some reason, she attracted some interest in me.

_She always was, and will always will. I know I’ve been attracted to her all this time._

This feeling…keeps growing and growing with years passing by. Those simple touches of hers were never the same…they send chills to my whole body making those moments awkward when it’s not supposed to. _It feels weird…but at the same time exciting…and frightening._ What if she doesn’t feel the same? What if I’m the only one who feels this feeling? What if she felt disgusted if I revealed this feeling? What will happen to our friendship?

_I must hide this feeling._

I should stop feeling this way.

_Who am I kidding?_

From the beginning, I know this feeling is unrequited. I could never stop loving her. But I can keep her from knowing these feelings. It’s _easy._ I’ll just act the same way as before. I’ll help her if she needs me. I’ll protect her if someone tried to hurt her. I’ll be by her side… _until she finds the right person for her._

_It hurts though…_

I gripped the sheet of my bed as I smiled painfully all by myself in my dark, lonely room. _Until then…when she doesn’t need me anymore…I…_

“Why the hell am I crying?” I murmured to myself laughing a little. “Jeez, I’m acting like a little kid” wiping the tears on my face, I buried my face on my pillow.

_I want to see her._

With a light knock on the door, I heard Lindy’s voice calling for me.

“You have a visitor, Fate”

_A visitor? In this kind of weather? You gotta be kidding me…_

I slowly stood up from my bed and went to the living room downstairs. _You gotta be kidding me._

“What are you doing here, Nanoha?” I said as normal as possible to the girl who clouded my mind a few moments ago.

She sheepishly smiled while lightly scratching the back of her head. “Well…about our math homework…c-could you help me?” _Homework? You could have just called me and settle it with another day. You don’t need to come all this way with this kind of weather._ That’s what I wanted to say if Lindy didn’t interrupt us like a torpedo and let Nanoha climb upstairs and go to my room.

“Of course, Fate will help you! I’ll bring you hot chocolates upstairs so go ahead.”

Nanoha walked up to me with her notebook at hand, still with that sheepish smile of hers. “Sorry for disturbing you, Fate-chan”

 _I wonder if there will be a time when I’ll actually feel disturbed when you’re around._ “No, it’s okay” I grabbed Nanoha’s hand and led her to my room. _Nah, I doubt that will happen._

We settled ourselves on the floor in front of my circular table and started scanning the homework Nanoha is talking about. _Nanoha having a problem on our homework? I couldn’t even imagine that. Not with this homework, at least._

“So where’s the part you have a problem?” She scratched her cheek and slowly averted her eyes to me.

“Uhhh…n-nothing”

_Huh?_

“I…I don’t really have a problem with our homework”

I stared dumbly at her. Not quite understanding what she meant. “Then…why are you here?”

As soon as my question came out, she blushed like I’ve never seen before. “W-well you see…it’s really cold and…I remembered how warm you are and…I figured maybe I could come here and…hug you?” _Am I dreaming? Am I drunk? Am I on drugs? If someone knows please slap me on the face and bring me to reality. Wait, actually no. I want to enjoy this moment a little longer-_

“Fate-chan?” I literally froze on the spot and couldn’t give any proper reply to her. “I-I’m sorry…maybe I shouldn’t have come after all”

Finally, my body stopped freezing and on instinct, I waved my hands in front of her. “N-no! It’s okay! I don’t have a problem with that!” _Of course, I have a problem with that! My heart could not bear anything like this!_

Not noticing my panicked expression, Nanoha suddenly jumped to me and hugged me tightly like a bear. She snuggled to my neck and I felt like I’m going to die right at that moment. “I knew it! You’re really warm, Fate-chan!”

_But I’m actually freezing right now-_

“You don’t want to hug me back?” She murmured on my ears, making my body act on its own. I slowly lifted my hands and wrapped it to the petite body with its owner smiling ear to ear on my shoulder. “Body heat is really the best in this kind of weather, right?”

I slowly rested my head on her shoulder to secretly hide my burning face as I let a silent “yeah” escape my mouth.

_Keep my feelings to myself, huh? I wonder how long will I last…_

“You could just hug your mom, you know?” I murmured to the girl I’m still hugging for body warmth. She just giggled to me and then sniffed a little to my neck.

“That won’t do, because I also want to see you” _…please, don’t act like that. I decided to keep these feelings just for myself._

“But we just see each other yesterday, you know?” _says the one who wants to see her just a moment ago._

“Hey, Fate-chan” she murmured on my shoulder pushing her body a little closer to mine. “Can you hear this out?” slightly surprised, I nodded my head on her shoulders. “There’s a girl who has a very beautiful best friend, sometimes really dense but has a really cute personality too. The girl likes her best friend for a very long time now but she can’t afford to confess her feelings” _What is Nanoha saying all of a sudden?_ My eyes widen a little, I don’t this kind of topics. “She thought, ‘what if my best friend doesn’t like me back? What if…if I confessed these feelings, she will hate me and start avoiding me? What if our friendship will never be like it used to be?” As Nanoha continued her story…I can’t help but grip a little her shirt on the back. “And so, with the fear of all those what-ifs, she decided to keep her feelings all by herself and pretended like everything’s fine and normal” _Yes, that’s what should happen…_ Nanoha suddenly stopped the story and then slowly broke the hug to look at me in the eyes. “What do you think about her decision, Fate-chan?” I froze a little, not expecting her sudden question. Looking on the ground, I answered her with sad eyes.

“I think she did the right thing. If all those what-ifs were right, she could never bring back the friendship they built for years” _That’s right, she made the right decision. I made the right decision._ “It’s better to be on the safe side than risking something that important, right?” I said as I looked up at her and smiled the best I could.

“You think so?” Nanoha replied returning the smile. “But you know Fate-chan…hiding a feeling is impossible” Nanoha closed the gap between us as she tried to reach for my face. “The time will come when those feelings will just explode and you won’t be able to control it” she cupped my cheeks and I could feel the tenderness it sends to my whole body. “I don’t think the girl can hold her feelings any longer, so please…” she moved closer to me until our faces were inches apart…I could feel her sweet breath overlapping with mine…her rosy lips parting a little makes my heart thump in unimaginable speed “…please, don’t hate her-“

* _knock*_

“Hey, Fate, Nanoha, I brought your hot chocolates!” Lindy said while holding a tray with two cups of hot chocolate on top of it. “Wait, are you two okay? Your faces are burning! Don’t tell me you two caught a cold?!” she rushed towards us and put her hand on our foreheads.

“W-were okay, don’t worry,” I said still blushing while glancing towards the brunette _She’s also blushing really hard._

“Geez you two, don’t make me worried!” Lind said as she stood up and then walked towards the door. “If you need anything, I’m just downstairs” she winked and then closed the door. _What the hell’s that wink for?_ I sighed as I finally looked straight at Nanoha, who’s still blushing really hard beside me.

“Nanoha…about that story”

“Ah! Never mind that!” she interrupted with a flustered face “I think the ending of that story goes well, so forget it already, Fate-chan!” she took the cup of hot chocolate and then stared at it as nothing else mattered. “Besides, I think the girl in that story still confessed in the end”

“…I see” I replied getting my own cup of hot chocolate.

_“The time will come when those feelings will just explode and you won’t be able to control it”_

_Maybe that’s true…maybe that time will come and I will feel the need to confess these feelings…_

 I looked at the brunette who’s sipping her drink silently…I smiled a little as I find it a little bit cute. _But for now…let me enjoy this normal day like we used to. I will definitely be by your side even if you don’t return these feelings._

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading.


End file.
